5 Wrestling Lessons I Learned From WWE Battleground 2014

Is it just me, or was WWE Battleground 2014 one of those underwhelming shows?

Don’t get me wrong, it had positives (I’ll call the biggest one “Luke Harper”), but for me it was mostly an event that cemented a few notions I had in my heel mind:

1 – Maffew secured about 5 episodes of Botchamania

Special kudos for the Divas Title Match and for Sheamus, who made two appearances in “Botching Bad” in a span of 30 seconds.

2 – Cena is authorized to lift his head and look around when someone covers him after a finisher

Did you catch this doozy? After Reigns’s spear, he goes for the cover. As the referee counts one, Cena looks up, his eyes scan for Kane, to confirm that he’s on time to break the pin.

Maybe Cena saw something we didn’t (like Kane’s being injured or his timing off), but it really does my “suspension of disbelief” no favors to see him get hit by one of the current premier finishers and then clearly no-sell it.

3 – Current Wrestling Commentary Level: Torture

I can stand them calling John Cena the greatest champion of all time. You know why? Because, at least, there’s a business goal behind it. You’re supposed to talk up your talent and for the casual fan  – get ready for the cliché –  perception is reality.

But I can’t remember the last time I heard a match being called with actual, grade A play-by-play. I have often heard the “commentators now tell stories” party line but I can’t, for the life of me, grasp the benefits of watching wrestling while 3 men make fun of each other or shill subscriptions: it makes me feel like I’m trying to watch wrestling in a room with 3 people who keep talking over the announce team. Except it IS the announce team.

FML.

Shocking: Michael Cole makes Japanese Man Cry! from Heelbook on Vimeo.

4 – In Battle Royals, wrestlers can’t see beyond the ropes

You’re competing in a Battle Royal and, in your quest for victory, you throw a guy over the top rope.

Unfortunately, he lands on the apron. Why don’t you secure the elimination and just hit him until he drops to the floor? Why do you just stand there and look on or stagger back with a tired, frustrated look on your face?

Well, I’ll tell you why. Wrestlers can only see what’s happening on the apron if it’s time for the guy standing on the apron to head for the showers. This is common knowledge.

Dr. Mizanin knows this, which is why he won. (Geez, read a medical journal once in your life.)

5 – It’s dangerous to play the Heelbook PPV Drinking Game

Bodies have been battered. Careers ended in an instant. Yes, this is a drinking game. But the hazards are real.

Which isn’t totally a bad thing. Since I can hardly remember anything today, I’ll probably think Battleground was just the go-home show for tonight’s Raw.

And you, what did you take from Battleground?