WWE, Thou Shalt Not Do These 10 Things On Raw Tonight

Last week, Raw was shot down by a whole lot of people as one of the worst in recent memory, mainly for a myriad of below-par and frustrating segments.

Therefore, with the “Season Premiere” Raw coming up in just a little while, I’m taking a page from Abraham’s playbook. Not Abraham Washington, the other one.

So, here are your 10 Raw Commandments:

1 – Thou Shalt Not Feed Thy Up-and-Coming Stars to John Cena

FU’ing Bray Wyatt will put your credibility back on track, sure. But what about his?

I’m betting all those great wrestling minds can figure out effective ways to get Cena over without undermining their future headliners.

There are stars on the roster that can handle that kind of beating, because their push isn’t so dependant on protection from losses, Triple H and Jericho being prime example. If you’re hell-bent on using main event level guys to feed Cena, why not use the ones with “push immunity”?

2 – Thou Shalt Not Give Thy Bellas a Microphone

At this point, it’s clear to everyone with a functioning neuron that Nikki and Brie just aren’t cutting it.

Their segments keeps flopping, to the point where I now legitimately feel like they have graduated from bad segments to “I think I’ll change the channel” segments.

Since this feud doesn’t seem to be going away, fix this or, at least, mitigate the damage. Have Stephanie be the mouthpiece (she’s only one of the best heels WWE has), have them not talk and just get into it physically.

There are a lot of ways to bring this feud to its PPV ending without further inciting us to bungee jump. Without a bungee.

3 – Thou Shalt Not Cut to a Commercial During Thy Matches

While I can pass up Sin Cara jobbing to Rusev, for the simple reason that it’s anything but must-see-TV, I have a hard time believing in the importance of a show that cuts its own product midway through the… well… product.

Don’t cut to ads when Jericho hits a Codebreaker. It sends the same message as JBL putting down a segment.

4 – Thou Shalt Not Use Thy Best Midcard Ever in Pointless Segments

While a few promising superstars are getting traction – like Ziggler and Miz – there are still way more bodies on the other side of the fence.

You know, the side where the powers-that-be provide little to no creative direction for talents who have either already proven they can deliver or deserve a fair shake to get their foot in the door.

I don’t remember WWE ever having such a rich wrestling talent pool, from the main roster to NXT. Unfortunately, the creative pool seems to be out of chlorine, as a long list of bankable guys and gals don’t have the slightest bit of involvement in a storyline or feud.

I could leave you the list of characters that fall under that category, but I’ll assume you already have a copy of The Phone Book.

5 – Thou Shalt Not Forget to Capitalize on Worthwhile Feuds

Last week, we got a whiff of Stephanie vs. AJ Lee. The tension was immediately palpable. Two savvy women who’ve never crossed paths in the ring did more than enough to get our attention.

And they did it in mere seconds, as another Nikki vs. Brie funerary segment briefly turned into “Hmm, this is interesting…”

This kind of tension (and fan reaction) just has to be obvious to everyone watching in the back because, hey, it’s obvious to us.

Don’t let these golden opprtunities pass by. What if Steve Austin interrupted Mike Tyson’s announcement on Raw, you felt all that tension, and then they just shook hands?

6 – Thou Shalt Not Cast Thy Diva’s Champion as an Extra

In the same segment, as Diva Title shots were being discussed, Paige was present. You may have spotted her somewhere on the segment.

She wasn’t exactly centerstage, but she did get the rub from the Bellas, as Brie pushed Nikki, and Nikki fell backwards onto Paige, who went down and stayed down. If this doesn’t make Paige’s career, nothing will.

Seriously now, the Divas’ Champion – and any champion, for that matter – is so much better than being the pawn in a cheesy shoving match. She was in the wrong segment, in the wrong way. And it did nothing for her.

7 – Thou Shalt Not Let Thy Commentators Bury Segments

We’ve also been here before. For whatever reason, Raw announcers are no longer doing play-by-play, and they banter during segments. Not witty banter, by the way.

And this is the tip of the iceberg. Because we also get JBL saying “he’s bored” with a certain segment, like Jericho’s “Highlight Reel”.

You can be a heel, but you can’t make it sound like you don’t want to be there to everyone listening to your commentary.

8 – Thou Shalt Not Assume Our Memory Sucks

How many times have you seen Wyatt vs. Jericho, Rusev vs. Ryder, Reigns vs. Kane, to name but a few?

WWE is turning into the wrestling version of Groundhog Day. Every day, we seem to wake up to the same card, with only minimal variations. It’s only a matter of time before your sanity cracks (i.e. we stop watching).

Additionally, we’re being treated to matches on TV that were very recently on PPV, which steal from a PPV’s appeal because, after all, it’ll have the same matches you’ll see on Raw the next week. And the next month.

But we’re wrestling fans and consumer research seems to indicate our memory sucks.

9 – Thou Shalt Not Believe Bringing In The Springers Of The World Will Save Thy Show

Last week, WWE was quick to announce 90’s talk-show staple Jerry Springer would stage a Bella Intervention.

Let’s take a look at this: Springer is best known by the 90’s crowd, the people who watched TV back in the Attitude Era. Kids are definitely not as attuned to his celebrity.

If anything, his appearance is a play at casual fans and his own following, who are likely to land on Raw and see a show that tries to cater to both kids and adults alike, ultimately and arguably failing to accomplish any of the two.

Because, mind you, Breaking Bad didn’t have a midget running around so kids could have their own little 5 minutes of enjoyment before the real gritty, hardcore stuff went down. Which they hopefully still watched.

To hook casual viewers, you need to broadcast a single, simple message. Not two. Breaking Bad is one show. Sesame Street is another. An extreme example, I know, but only to make a point.

SAVE_US.SPRINGER will not be a thing. Sorry.

10 – Thou Shalt Not Give Fans any more Reasons to Cancel their WWE Network Subscription

A lot of WWE Network subscriptions are ending soon. And while Vince McMahon’s baby is still a baby, its success has a lot of challenges to overcome, none more so than WWE’s current track record of lukewarm TV performances.

Why should anyone buy your product when the free stuff on TV is what it is? Raw and Smackdown are WWE’s calling card and sales pitch and, even with all the classic stuff and exclusive content, both shows are still perceived as a sample of what you’ll get with if you subscribe.

And people will not be as motivated to buy from a promotion who puts up the same matches on TV for weeks, force feeds us the Bellas, and neglects to push the new, fresh stars-in-the-making it gloats to have created in its state-of-the-art development system.

Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

UPDATE: Raw is in the books, so I took the 10 Commandments and analyzed how many WWE actually obeyed.